“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily.”― John C. Maxwell
If you are a writer like me or someone with big dreams that you’re hoping to tick off your bucket list, you might know how hard it is to actually do the needle-moving tasks. The three most prevalent reasons I see for this with myself and my coaching clients are:
Today I want to talk about the 7 habits that not only help me overcome these three barriers but also changed my life for the better:
Making changes is uncomfortable. At least in the beginning. But the truth is, you won’t make progress sitting on your butt making excuses or getting sidetracked by social media and Netflix. When I had to get clear about the kind of people I want to coach one-on-one, I knew right away that it had to be someone who is willing to dig for the root causes rather than apply band-aid solutions. You can’t change your life if you aren’t willing to put in the work. And the same goes for me: I needed to make sure I practice what I preach.
I hear so many people complain about the same problems over and over, but then they don’t take the steps necessary to improve their situation. And the excuse I hear the most is “I don’t have time” or “I don’t know where to start or if I’m good enough.” Something I also do regularly is to look at examples of people who overcame great obstacles. One such example is the story of Tasha from One Big Happy Life, an immigrant teen mom who after years of hard work built a 6-figure business. The least overwhelming way to do it is to break goals and tasks down into baby steps. One step, one day at a time.
At the end of the day, I ask myself: “Did I choose courage over comfort today?” As cliche as it sounds, life really does begin at the end of your comfort zone. The more you push through the initial discomfort, the more your confidence grows, and the easier it will get. A coach or accountability partner can help to get past the initial hump when fear and discomfort is the strongest.
This habit already started transforming my life when I was a teenager when comparing ourselves to others is probably the most damaging to our self-worth. My parents, to this day, mute the television when the program gets interrupted by commercial breaks. I started out the same way, but when I turned 23, I decided I’d be better off without cable television. To this day, the only thing I watch occasionally is Netflix (and 80% of the time it’s a stand-up comedian) and YouTube (it’s probably my favorite way to learn).
I graduated high school in the summer of 9/11, and that was also the year I decided I would no longer watch (or read) the news daily. This constant state of alarm drove me crazy and made me feel like I was living in a world I didn’t want to live in. For a while, I didn’t even want to have kids because I didn’t want them to grow up in a world like this. The same goes for social media—it’s best enjoyed in moderation. And even if you severely limit your exposure to the news, I promise you, you’ll still be aware of what’s going on in the world. People will tell you, you can count on that.
At the very least, I recommend striving for the 5:1 ratio. Science suggests that it takes 5 positives to cancel out 1 negative. A good way to achieve this balance is to read or listen to uplifting books or podcasts (or check out the site Upworthy for news and stories that restore faith in humanity). A daily dose of laughter is also high up on my to-do list.
Admittedly, because I don’t drive, starting this habit didn’t take much effort on my part. I simply have to walk or bike everywhere or I’m stuck at home. There are two major benefits to walking whenever you can:
“Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”—Edward Stanley
I strongly believe (and science backs this up) that movement, especially outside, can help cure a lot of ailments. I’m by no means an athletic person and I’m not a fan of diets, but walking (and dancing for fun) has kept me in shape all my life. It keeps me young and healthy both physically and mentally.
Walking, to me, is also a form of meditation. It keeps my mind from spinning out of control. And at the same time, it spurs my creativity. I conceived so many ideas for my novels while I was on my 45-minute walk to work when I still lived in San Francisco. These days, I use my (combined 45-minute) walk to drop off and pick up my kid from school to educate myself about how to build my business.
As someone recovering from burnout, it’s a must for me to make time for things that restore my energy. I’ve been doing my best to practice mindfulness daily, even if it’s just a two-minute meditation. If I don’t do this, I get frustrated with everyone and everything. Making self-care a priority has improved my relationships and my health tremendously.
Practicing gratitude is probably my biggest happiness booster. No matter how crappy or exhausting my day was, if I intentionally shift my focus to find just one little thing to be thankful for, it comforts me. Alternatively, you can try reading a few pages of the classic Chicken Soup for the Soul before you go to sleep.
I’m also a big advocate of journaling. I started it when I was an angsty nine-year-old suffering from epilepsy. To this day, there’s nothing more cathartic to me than writing and making art. Honestly, in my darkest days, it’s the thing that has kept me alive.
It’s my mission to learn something new every day for as long as I live. I think that’s one of the best things about being human. We have a myriad of things to explore and discover. I get excited just thinking about all the possibilities. All the places I want to see. The people I want to meet. The things I want to try. We need obstacles and adventures to grow and feel alive.
I really make an effort to cultivate a growth mindset in all areas of my life. A growth mindset means believing that I can develop my most basic abilities through hard work. Research suggests having a growth mindset promotes courage, persistence, and higher self-esteem. The most important part for me has been—and still is—to rethink failure.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”—Samuel Beckett
I don’t think there’s anyone who fails and doesn’t feel the bite of disappointment. But like it is with every muscle in our bodies, we can train our brains to better tolerate failure. We are all products of our environments, so we need to create an environment in which we can thrive.
The happiest I’ve ever been was at 5 in the morning, watching the sun rise over San Francisco while I was writing my first novel. There’s something magical about the early morning hours. The colors, the quiet. Peaceful and refreshing. If I didn’t have an unpredictable child, I’d still get up at that hour. Regardless, I usually get up between 6 and 7 AM, even on weekends. When I was younger I had no problems staying up late and getting up early, but these days, I definitely have to choose one or the other to ensure I get about 8 hours of restorative sleep.
My biggest reason for getting up early is that it sets me up for a productive and less hectic day. Especially as a parent, it’s a juggling act to make sure everyone gets out of the house on time without meltdowns. I’m much more likely to succeed if I give myself enough time. Even if you’re living on your own, starting your day without rushing will put you in a better mood. Which in most cases makes for a better day.
I also recommend Hal Elrold’s The Miracle Morning as a template for an energizing morning routine.
In short, use the hours of the day—or night—when everyone else is sleeping to do whatever you need to do in peace.
I recently came across a book called It’s Hard to Make a Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys and thought that phrase basically sums up my life’s journey up until this point. Because getting organized had such a profound impact on my life, I made it my mission to help people break free from physical and mental clutter. I truly believe that getting organized is paramount to being able to relax, focus, and get things done. Plus, it frees up time to spend on the things that truly matter to you.
To summarize, transform your life with these 7 habits:
The more intentional you are with your life, the more satisfied and relaxed you are going to be.
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